Coaching Chronicle by Gerard O’Donovan

WHO AM I?

 (The question that is the gateway to spiritual enlightenment)

 Having been a coach for many years, in addition to having been involved in the training of at least 5000 coaches worldwide, I have come to the conclusion that one of the greatest skills that we, as coaches, possess and need to perfect is the ‘art of the question’. In fact, one could say that another definition of a coach is Master Questioner.

 It is important to remember that the quality of our life is determined by the quality of questions we ask ourselves.  Some people ask themselves very mediocre questions indeed.  For example, “What time shall we go to down the pub?”  Others look at someone who has achieved great things and ask themselves “Why not me?”.  It is similar to the difference between “I can’t afford it” and “How can I afford it?”As coaches we have two responsibilities towards our client.  The first is to provide them with a first-class coaching experience through the effective use of questioning skills.  The second is to educate them in the techniques and benefits of self-questioning, helping them to realise the importance of regularly asking key questions.

 Of course when it comes to asking questions we can get very sophisticated and clever indeed.  We can use questions with suppositions and presuppositions.  We can use open and closed questions, we can get involved in nested loops, we can use hidden questions and open questions and in fact we can make ourselves feel and look very clever indeed.

 However I learned a long time ago the importance of simplicity and it is my opinion that the greatest coaching question of all is “Who am I?”

 This question is very often ignored.  Why? Because it is easy to ignore; it can take us on an uncomfortable journey and one we might prefer to avoid.  And yet it is essential if we wish to understand our core, the real person, the immutable, incorruptible and authentic ‘me’.  The “me” we are really meant to be.

 This question is the one that helps people come to a deep and satisfying realization of who they really are. So this is one of the key questions that we must teach our clients to ask of themselves on a regular basis. ‘Who am I?’ Again and again.

 True happiness and fulfilment in life is only achieved when our actions and goals are congruent with our core values. Yet the sad truth is most of us do not really know what our core values are.  Unfortunately we take on board the values of others, the values that are impressed upon us by the media that constantly bombards us, and the values of the people we work with and the companies we work for.  It is rare that the values that we attach to ourselves are our true values. The inner conflict that this creates is one of the underlying causes for the level of unhappiness and depression in today’s society.

 You see our values are in fact the mirror of who we really are yet few of us look deep enough into the mirror to see the truth.  Many thousand years ago there was a word written above a doorway in ancient Greece. The word was “ Knosti” and it was written above the doorway of the Delphic oracle.  It is as true today as it ever was those thousands of years ago.  It simply means “ know thyself”

 There is an old adage that says that if you don’t know where you’re coming from then you don’t know where you’re going.  The same is true here, if you don’t know who you really are how can you possibly know what you really want out of life, what is truly important and how do you know where you are headed.  I learned a long time ago that most people don’t really know what they want in life, but are prepared to go through hell to get it !!!

 Being able to answer the question “Who am I?” with clarity and honesty will start the process that will make a profound change in the direction your life takes.  This in turn will affect those close to you; your family, your friends, and your work. The way to make a real change in the world today is simply to do it one person, one mind at a time.  Start with the person who is closest to you – yourself of course!

                                        HOW DO I ASK THE QUESTION?

 It is important that when we ask ourselves the question “Who am I?” we allow time for the answers to come.  The truth may have to percolate up through a number of layers, and this takes time.  You may have to ask yourself this question a number of times.  For example, you may ask “Who am I?” and the answer may come back ‘I am a teacher’, ‘I am an electrician’, ‘I am a solicitor’ etc. The truth is you are none of these things. You see you are not what you do! You are far more than that.

So when you ask yourself the question “Who am I?” and you get an answer, you may then need to ask again “and who else am I?” And again “Who else am I?”.

 It is morally essential that we eventually find out who we are.  So many of us wander through life in a kind of emotional and spiritual amnesia, deadening our response to life by producing images of ourselves that are far from the truth.

 I recommend that when we engage in this important process that we do it in a place of solitude and stillness in order that we can be truly present for the answer.  We cannot really experience anything without being present with it.  True presence requires that we be attentive to what is happening in the here and now.  It is our responsibility to be aware.

 EXERCISES

 Imagine that you have just come back from a visit to your doctor where you have been informed that you have an incurable disease and only six months to live.  However, during these 6 months you will be perfectly healthy, fit and active.  Now write down what you would do, who you would see, where you would go and, very important, who you would spend your time with – and why.  Would you change any aspect of your life right now?  Would you continue to work in your job/career?  If not, why not?

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 Explanation:  This should very clearly point you in the direction of what is important or even essential in your life.  It is so easy to procrastinate but you need to attend to these things right now.  It is obvious that these things are extremely important to you, so you should endeavour to achieve them as soon as possible – as a matter of urgency.

  WHO AM I AT WORK?

 It amazes me when I see the leaders of major companies like BAT (British American Tobacco) being hailed by the business community worldwide as paragons, and real exemplars of how business should be run.  Yet, there are tens of thousands of people dying every month around the world because of their product.  Society is putting on pedestals men and women who create products that kill, purely for profit.  I sometimes wonder if the inmates have taken over the asylum!

 However, what price has been paid by these decision-making men and women?

Like so many others in similar scenarios being played out in corporations all around the world, these individuals are subjugating their own values for those of the company they work for.  If only they would ask themselves “Who am I?” we might see a profound and radical change in the thinking of these leaders. 

 I have found that when I have worked with men and women in these positions and supported them in answering my question “Who are you?” I have enjoyed watching them travel slowly towards a true realisation of self.  It is at this point that they have started to make a change, to really make a difference within their companies.  Making and carrying out decisions that are based on power rather than force.  Making a positive difference in the lives of the employees and thousands of customers of that corporation.

 Much is said about corporate social responsibility; it is a phrase that is bandied about with gay abandon and in some cases a solomneous that belies the real truth, which is that most people follow and adopt the company culture, ethics, morals and values rather than expressing their own thoughts. This leads them to do things that are not congruent with their own core values.  

 Therefor there is a great need for all of us to get back in touch with our core values, because the truth is that in most of us these are highly commendable.  It ’s just a case of getting back there and re-remembering who we are.

 DO I EVEN KNOW WHO I AM?

 If we are not sure of who we are right now then how much more difficult it is to try and work out who we really want to be in the future.  Especially as the media does such a fantastic job of indoctrinating us into believing what we really should be.  From advertisements on television we know we should all be young, slim, good-looking, tanned, without spots or glasses.  From numerous magazines we learn that by paying a lot more attention to ourselves and spending lots of our hard earned money (and in some cases, yet to be earned money) we can really make ourselves young, sexually desirable, good-looking, and successful.

 The result of this is that we end up setting goals for ourselves that have actually been foisted on us. Not ones that are congruent with or even based on our own true core values.

 IN CONCLUSION

 For many years I believed one of the greatest coaching questions of all was “What do you want?”.  This question can be asked in so many ways, you can come at it from so many angles and for several years I believed this was the question of questions.

However, long ago I realised that for some of the reasons stated above this is not the great question it ought to be because, as we have seen, we don’t really know what we want at all. 

 I now know with a deep and profound sense of knowing, that there is a higher question, a more important question, a question that reaches deep down to the core. That question is “Who am I”??

 You see coaching is about performing at your best through the individual and private assistance of someone who will challenge stimulate and guide you to keep growing. Essentially it is about helping you to reach self actualisation – a point at which you not only truly know yourself but within this knowledge possess a feeling of comfort with and understanding of the person you discover.

 Coaching (or if we don’t have a coach, self-coaching) is indispensable if we want to really reach our full potential, to be all that we can be, to truly reach a point of self transcendence.

 Gerard O’Donovan
Managing Director
Noble Manhattan Coaching
CEO – IIC (International Institute of Coaching)
www.noble-manhattan.com
gerard@noble-manhattan.com
++44(0)1305 769411
www.internationalinstituteofcoaching.com

Well actually my wife had breakfast in bed and I managed to get mine purely by default.

My three boys made my wife a beautiful full cooked English breakfast and brought it to her in bed early this morning accompanied by lots of presents ( lots of chocolate actually) .

 Then, we got up and my wife and my young son Michael and I went for a long walk through the fields, and the forest nearby, beautiful weather, bright sunshine, could see the sea in the distance, very picturesque.

 I’m taking everyone out for lunch later this afternoon to place called the ” Springhead” in the beautiful village of Sutton Poyntz http://www.sutton-poyntz.co.uk/

The pub restaurant itself is very beautiful, in fact I used to live about 200 metres from it.

Later today I have to put together a workshop on spirituality.

I have been asked to deliver this next week in Romania. The problem is I have so much material and so much I want to tell people and help them experience that deciding what to leave out is the huge issue  !!!!

I guess I will just allow myself to be guided by my intuition. And it’s never let me down so far.

I hope you are all having a wonderful day.

Love

Gerard

Most of today and tomorrow is going to be spent interviewing. We are using Skype and I have about 30 people booked in to assess. I’m currently looking for 2 full-time people. I’m looking for outsourced people, so they can be based anywhere.

A Virtual Assistant / SEO expert and a

Web developer/PHP programmer

it’s interesting we have had people apply from all over the world, Kazakhstan, Philippines, India and America, Malaysia etc

what I find interesting is two things.Number one how well qualified most of the people who have applied are, but also how many miss their allocated appointment time. It’s almost as if they can’t quite plan to get it right.

It will be interesting to see who we end up inviting to join our wonderful family group

Hi everyone I just returned

Late on Sunday night from our most recent residential coach training programme held at Eynsham Hall near Oxford. 

http://www.eynshamhall.com/

It was lovely to meet so many people in such a wonderful atmosphere. We had a group from Poland, people from Romania, Ireland, France,Scotland, Spain and South Africa. In total about 30 people and 7 staff.

And just imagine how pleased I was to receive this e-mail the next day. It really does make it all so worthwhile.

 To: sadiehargreaves@noble-manhattan.com

Subject: RESIDENTIAL WEEKEND 26/02/-28/02/10

Hi Sadie,

 I attended the recent residential weekend and I feel that I really must express my gratitude to Gerard and all at Noble Manhattan for the hard work that went in to making it an enormous success.

From the very first day when I stepped into the training room, I felt like I was transported back to my childhood, the happiest period of my life. All the wonderful memories of love, care, attention, joy and laughter were bursting out from inside, so much so, that I was struggling to contain them.

 The entire three day training course was packaged and delivered, with such thought, care, attention to details and to the needs of all the students, that it reminded me of my happy childhood.  he select these David, Aina and Cherry did their jobs exceedingly well, from day one right through to day three and the facilitators, John and Chris were right up there with them. They made themselves available, approachable and willing to answer our questions and help us to overcome our anxieties and self doubt. But, most importantly, they were willing to share their knowledge and experience with us. I felt blessed.

 I think that Gerard is an amazing human being. I love his passion, energy, kindness, attention to the smallest detail, his giving nature, but above all, I love his massive heart. He is unique and a great inspiration.

 I made a lot of friends at the residential weekend and I am looking forward to keeping up with them and sharing our experiences for years to come.

 Thank you Noble Manhattan.

  Kindest regards

 Lyn

 This coming Saturday we are doing a one day ” Introduction to Coaching” in London for people who are considering training to be a professional coach and the next day Sunday we are going to be doing a very special day indeed.

A “ Build Your Coaching Practice” one-day training course in London. If anyone is interested in spending Sunday with me and learning the most incredible techniques on how to build your business then just let the Office know 

info@noble-manhattan.com

 or call  01305 769411

 Looking forward to seeing you all soon

Lots of love

Gerard

Although we are now only at the beginning of February it actually seems as if Christmas was many months ago.

Our International Distributors strategy is going very well.As many of you know we have opened offices in Romania within the last couple of years and also with our partners in Poland, Turkey and Canada and we now have the opportunity to partner with two more companies Internationally this year.

So if you know of any organizations or well-placed individuals that would be interested in talking to Noble Manhattan Coaching about partnering in their country, please let us know.

 Our support group division is growing extremely well with five new support groups starting in Romania and five new in Poland within the next two months as well as that we are on target to launch at least 10 to 12 more in the UK by late summer.

Allan in Canada is doing extremely well and has got 3 regular meet up groups getting together every month in different areas south of Toronto with a total of over 60 people committed to coming each month.

 The biggest stage of my recent book ” A Coach’s Story” is now complete. I am so glad that all of the writing has now been done.:-) Now we have to get it proof read, edited and then of course published. All being well it should be done and dusted and on the bookshelves by Easter.

 We are also delighted to be able to announce that we have partnered with ” Catalyst Coaching” in the London area. It has been a real joy working with Catalyst, and over the last few months I have got to know their owner Nick Horan very well, in fact we have become good friends.

So from this month onwards we are delighted to be able to shoulder the burden of taking on all of the delivery of coach training for Catalyst allowing them to develop even stronger in their learning and development arenas. A partnership made in heaven

 And as if all of that wasn’t enough we are just about to launch a most incredible face-to-face coaching course in London.

It will be 10 days face-to-face over a one-year period and we are calling it “A Coaching MasterClass with Supervision”

It will be suitable for All Coaches, All managers from organisations and even student coaches.

To find out more about this incredible course contact the office. ( very very special deals just for the first few!!)

 We are also delighted to be able to announce that we are taking on a new general manager for our Noble Quest.

http://www.noble-quest.com/

 Our Coach Radio Division is building furiously right now under the leadership of Greg Evaristo. www.coachradiointernational.com

 Greg is fast putting together an international team of business development associates,programmers, designers and professional broadcast trainers. It looks as if we will be able to launch properly at the end of this month.

 I have also decided to take on some new Personal Coaching clients over the next few months. I will be doing this in a highly dynamic interactive online group environment.( it really won’t be for the fainthearted ) This will be for people who really want to move forward and make 2010 the year when their life really starts to take shape and they achieve the success they wish to.

If you would like to find out about being coached by me for one hour once a month then please get in touch with Stacey Melvin at staceymelvin@noble-manhattan.com

 Lots of love

Gerard

Last week my wife and I were in London for the weekend. I had to deliver two different keynote speeches one on Saturday and one on Sunday so my wife joined me,as we thought it might be a opportunity time to spend some time together (away from the children !)

On Sunday morning we went for a walk along Bayswater Road to look at the beautiful Art exhibition which has taken place there every Sunday since 1963.

For at least half a mile the railings on the north side of Hyde Park are sectioned into approximately 10 foot pictures and artists are allowed to license these pitches from the local council.

As we were walking along admiring the huge amount of different art and styles we came to a large pitch actually a triple size one and we were both struck by how beautiful the paintings were.

We all must say to each other at the same time ,” you know, this looks just like the work of David James”

Now David James is an artist that we have both admired for many years. We first came across David James over 25 years ago when I was a Royal Marine grain-based in Poole.we would sometimes go into Poole Art Gallery based on Poole Quay and admire the paintings.they used to display some of the work of David James and we liked it very much however we just could never afford to buy any even a small one of his paintings 12″ x 12″ was in the region of £400 and that was back then.

As we were having this conversation I leaned closer to look at the paintings on the railings and was astonished to see the signature of ” David James” just at that moment a voice from behind and said ” can help you” and we turned around to find the man himself !!!!!

He is very distinctive in his late 60s with a long flowing white beard.

We were so delighted we ended up talking with David for quite some time we told him how many years ago we had come across his work but could never have afforded it back then. He told us where he was living and we spoke about many things.he talked about how the galleries make a lot of money out of Artists and take by far the bulk of all the purchase price.

He gave me his e-mail address and we agreed to keep in touch.

It was quite a coincidence, because he very rarely displays his work now on Bayswater Road, being so internationally acclaimed, and having such little time.

 Gail and I then continued our walk through Hyde Park, stopping for lunch etc. About three hours later as we were heading back to our hotel I said “let’s make a quick detour and see if those paintings are still there”. We got to his pitch just as he was getting ready to pack up and go home.

 He smiled when he saw us and we spoke again for some time. As we were looking at his paintings and he was explaining to us what lay behind some of them he asked ” are there any that you like” we both admitted that there were a couple that really took our fancy. Two beautiful Winter landscape scenes in light brown.

He put them side by side and we admired them and he explained about his use of light etc. Then he said “would you like to buy them” I replied that actually I would love to buy them but I didn’t think that we could probably afford his prices. He paused, and smiled, and thought for a while and then he said ” I tell you what” I will let you have them both for £90. I couldn’t believe it !!!!!!!! I was so incredibly pleased and surprised. Obviously I said yes.

I am now the proud owner of two beautiful paintings done by an artist that I have now come to know.

If you go to this website you’ll see the two that I purchased

http://www.davidjamesart.com/content.php?page=new_work

 Isn’t life wonderful the way it brings you these great joys and surprises

It took me 7 1/2 hours to drive home from London yesterday, I arrived home at 10 minutes to midnight. It should have taken no more than three hours and I left at 3:30 PM in the afternoon.!!!

There was snow and ice everywhere and traffic was moving at about 5 mph. Lots of lorries had crashed into barriers and cars were stranded on the hard shoulder,and the snow was coming down thick and fast.

 To be honest I didn’t mind too much because it gave me some unexpected time to do some extra studying in my Mobile University.(my car)

I listened to quite a few new CD’s that I had recently purchased on the Power of the Mind and the Law of Attraction.

I also listened to some fascinating interviews on ” Group Coaching” something that I personally have been doing for quite some time and achieving a lot of success with some great clients.

It made me realise again just how incredibly effective it can be to coach small groups of five or six once a month for approximately one hour.

Perhaps I ought to do a lot more of this? Just need to work out where I can find the time??

 I had a meeting in London yesterday with our partner from Istanbul in Turkey, what a wonderful guy. I am so lucky to have attracted such wonderful people into my life. It is a real joy to work with such people.

At our meeting we started to put together plans to develop coach training more effectively throughout the whole of Turkey and also in countries like Azerbaijan Kazakhstan, Syria etc

I have to say I’m very excited about the thought of moving into that part of the world and seeing how we can change corporate cultures and give people true power through the use of coaching.

 Today I am back in the office working through a mountain of e-mails and trying to get all of the last-minute work done before we close the office for the holidays tomorrow.

I really am looking forward to this break, time to catch up on some sleep, also time to spend with my family ( if they remember who I am )

I also traditionally use the Christmas break as a time to review this year’s goals and to comprehensively plan all of my goals for the coming 12 months.that always gets me very excited.

Till the next time

Gerard

Writing this from my hotel in Warsaw in Poland.. Had a good meeting today with Lukasz our general manager in Poland.

 It was cold when I arrived at the airport this morning, -6° and has continually got colder throughout the day

.So I did what any good self-respecting life coach would do, I took myself off to my favourite café in Warsaw,

The Karma café just off Konstitution Square and had a couple of hot mulled wines while I read my latest book.

 Come to think of it my meeting today was spent in a nearby Thai restaurant. Does that mean that most of my business life revolves around restaurants and coffee ?? And if it does is that a bad thing ?

It’s snowing outside now, my first snow of the year, in fact it makes it feel just like Christmas. I’m looking out of my hotel room window down the length of Konstitution Square and it looks really lovely and festive with all the Christmas lights.

Tomorrow I’m doing a large introduction to coaching event here in Warsaw, looking forward to it very much.