The first coach a child has in life is his/her parent. If the parent/baby interaction is a pleasant and satisfying one, the child will be likely to follow the parental example willingly. While the parent eventually would like to inculcate her/his own set of values in the child there are occasions when the child’s difference of opinion should be allowed and respected. Just as you would be considerate of another adult having diametrically opposed religious or political beliefs, you want to show tolerance for your child in making a decision to wear a mismatched outfit to school for example.

You don’t have to agree with the child’s choice of a red skirt and orange blouse; but being empathetic about her making a choice is part of building a good relationship. Perhaps showing her the value of empathy will teach her not to make fun of how other children dress. Developing empathy towards those who are different will prevent her from becoming one of those school bullies that cause so much emotional pain to other kids. A parent is “coaching” a child to teach her/him the values that are hers/his. But there must be some “wiggle room” in what decisions the child is encouraged to make on his/her own.

Children learn what they live and parents are “coaching by example” whether they analyze it as such or not. When Dad is able to show his sensitive side, so will his son. When Mom takes the time to explain why Tommy has to use a wheelchair instead of stopping her child from talking about it, she is helping her/him to develop empathy towards another child.

Her child won’t grow up making fun of kids who can’t play sports as well as most. When he is old enough to recognize the sad state of a homeless man, he/she won’t focus on the fact that he is dirty and unkempt instead of feeling empathy for his hunger and inability to cope with ordinary life. The little boy or girl who learns empathy at an early age will not be the playground bully or the person who feels no sadness at running over a pet while driving. He/she will not be one of those whose bullying behaviour was the root cause of a Columbine tragedy. Empathy breeds kindness in the human soul.